I Brought the Snow to Tennessee...Whoops.

Man, it’s been one hell of a week. I think I have a song about this very kind of feeling? Y’all should check it out. Anyway. It really has been a little crazy here in Memphis. Oh yeah. I live in Memphis now. And it has been a very eventful or...uneventful first week. I not really sure what the correct way to describe it would be. After the eighteen-hour drive down here with my mom and my cat, I must say I don’t want to go on any road trips anytime soon. We had a lot of fun, it just was exhausting. When we finally arrived at the great southern blizzard of 2021 was about to hit and I have since been trapped in my apartment with my sister, my mother, and my cat.

I felt confused. I was nervous to move for a bunch of reasons. But I expected to feel happy when I finally arrived. And I did. But as the week from hell went on something made me feel sad. It didn’t feel like a vacation anymore. It hit me that I don’t have a job, the money that I saved is going to run out soon and I really missed home. The closer the day for my mom to leave came the more scared I became. I’d been in college for four years, but that was only two hours away and I knew I’d be coming home for summer vacation and other holidays. This was a different kind of scared I had never felt before. I drove my mom to the airport alone due to my sister’s work schedule and I was really good the whole drive and even when she hugged me I just smiled and I told her I loved her. But when I got back in the driver’s seat the dam inside me broke and I just started crying.

I wasn’t sad, but I wasn’t happy. I wasn’t familiar with this kind of cry. I never used to cry as a teenager. To be honest, back then my life wasn’t hard at all. I had a clear path to what I wanted and there weren’t many consequences if I failed, not that I ever failed. I made sure of that. The embarrassment of failing something was too devastating to even think about. I had the same attitude towards college. School just made sense to me. It was linear. But life isn’t anything like school. Since May of 2020, the month I would have had my graduation from college, I’ve kind of been a mess. Not knowing where my life was going to go was absolutely terrifying. I knew I didn’t want to be in North Creek anymore. I most certainly didn’t want to live in Albany. All of my life I had a plan and when Covid hit, my whole plan was thrown in the garbage and set on fire.

The whole drive from the airport I cried. I know I shouldn’t have done that. I know it’s dangerous. Especially because where I was driving there was like five lanes and it was kind of scary. But I couldn’t stop myself from crying. Every time I would calm myself down I would have a new thought and just start crying again. It wasn’t just sad thoughts that caused me to cry. It was the happy thoughts too. It was just as much a happy cry as it was a sad one. I was really sad that my mom had to leave and that the security she provided wasn’t going to be with me anymore. I was as equally happy when I saw a highway sign say “240 East Nashville”. I’m closer to my dream than I have ever been before and I just can’t believe I live in a place that has signs directing me to Nashville. So I just cried.

Luckily I am not alone. I have my sister with who I get along really well. Getting into a routine is going to be my next step. Only because it’s the only way I can think of getting out of my own head. I’ve been waiting on my new office set up to create maximum productivity. I’ve put all of my positive energy into making my new room the modern farmhouse bedroom I’ve always wanted. It’s the little things that make me smile right now. For those who have been wondering my cat is doing pretty great. He loves the new place and as always adores my sister. He has provided me heaps of comfort in this emotionally challenging time. He has his own self-appointed thrown that he watches the cars go by in and a scratching tower he couldn’t care less about. Fifteen bucks well spent, thanks Coal. My brand new business cards came and I’m very excited to get up to Nashville and start playing open mic nights and handing out my business cards. So if you are reading this and came because of my business card, you are awesome and I appreciate you so much. Until I can get out in the field I’ve got plans to write some new music, bang out some demos, hopefully, get a few freelance jobs, make videos for my youtube channel, and just make the most of the time I have to build up my career.

I am incredibly grateful that I am here and I know this has been a lot about how sad and scared I am feeling, but with that, I just want to say that though I am feeling this way that I am incredibly thankful for the people that have gotten me to this point. This wouldn’t be possible without my parents, my siblings, my teachers and professors throughout the years, my previous bosses and coworkers, and my loving and supportive friends. This has been a big step for me and I hope it sets me on the right path to achieve my dreams. And with all that being said, I will talk with you all, whoops, I live in the south now, I will talk with y’all very soon.

- Sara